Last month marked my fifth anniversary of living in New York. It has truly been an amazing and life-changing 5 years. It hasn’t always been easy and I have learnt many lessons along the way. If you live here, perhaps these will resonate with you. If you plan to move to New York, I hope these lessons will help you during your time here. For those who don’t live in NYC or plan to live here, I hope you get to visit the Big Apple one day, because it’s one hell of an experience! Here are the 5 lessons I learned from 5 years of living in New York City.

5 Lessons I Learned From 5 Years of Living in New York City

Patience is a Virtue

… that nobody has in New York! Everyone in the city is in a hurry to get somewhere, do something or meet someone. They simply don’t have time to wait for tourists who are strolling along 5th Avenue or taxi drivers who take the wrong route. The only time New Yorkers wait patiently is in line at Trader Joe’s because it’s the cheapest super market you’ll find in Manhattan.

I come from Taiwan, a very polite little island, so I’ve always been well-mannered and polite to strangers. But after 5 years of living in the hustle and bustle of NYC, I’ve stopped waiting patiently for people and I power walk wherever I go. I noticed myself giving people the death stare if they dare to stop in front of me or walk too slow. It’s not a great change, I’ll admit. But if you want to keep up with this super fast-paced city, it’s almost inevitable. So don’t be too offended when New Yorkers act impatient and try not to walk too slow!

You Gotta Be Tough

Out of the 5 lessons I learned from 5 years of living in New York City, the most important one is that you have to be tough. This is a place where the best and the strongest gather to try and make it. The city is filled with type A personalities and you have to fight for what you want. If you aren’t prepared to work hard, be strong, defend yourself and ask for what you think you deserve, you will quickly be replaced or taken advantage of.

There are so many people who won’t hesitate a second to use you for their own gains or kick you out of the competition. There are also countless scammers or douches trying to take advantage of you and your assets. Don’t let them. Be strong, be firm, but be polite. Tell people clearly what you want and let them know that you won’t let anybody walk all over you.

After several bad experiences here in the city, I now know to speak up more and call people out when necessary. For example, after I moved out of my previous apartment, my landlord took $1200 from my security deposit on claims that I had put holes in the walls of his apartment. This was ABSOLUTELY not true and, in any case, no repair costs that much. I asked for evidence and fought back and forth via e-mail until he finally returned a good portion of it. Still, he managed to scam me of $500 for something I didn’t do. I was so angry and frustrated and felt wronged, but all you can do is fight back, learn from it and prevent it from ever happening again.

New Yorkers Don’t Give A F***

I used to be really self-conscious about everything. I would worry if people thought I was weird, overdressed or doing something wrong. But in New York, people just-don’t-care. The people living here are so engulfed in their own issues and problems that they don’t pay any attention to others. So let go of your inhibitions and just be yourself. Be eccentric or be flamboyant – be whatever you want to be! True New Yorkers don’t give a f*** because they’ve seen it all. I cannot tell you how many interesting, unusual and crazy people I encounter on a daily basis. Seriously, there are SO MANY crazies in the city!! Which brings me to my next point…

Ignore The Crazies

In your years in New York, you will meet at least one crazy person. And I don’t mean the scream-at-random-bypassers-in-the-streets type crazy or spit-at-everyone-on-the-subway type crazy. You’ll see that everyday. What I mean is, you will encounter that one person you thought was a friend, or that one guy you thought was sane, or that one ex-girlfriend who you thought would leave your new relationship alone and they turn out to be totally batshit crazy.

New York City is a huge melting pot. There are over 8 million people living here! So don’t be surprised when you meet crazy people who you thought only existed in movies or TV shows. These people will backstab you, bitch at you, hassle you and try to make your life miserable because misery loves company. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Simply ignore them and walk away. There is no need to dwell, be angry or fight back.

When I said to be tough and strong, I meant you should stand up for yourself. But when it comes to crazies, you simply can’t reason with them. Instead, elevate yourself and focus on improving yourself. Crazy people’s words mean nothing when you know who you are and what you stand for. Don’t lower yourself to their standards and try to get even. Instead, kill them with success. Be so f***ing awesome and successful that they can’t even touch you.

Party, But Not Too Hard

When you first arrive in NYC, everything is fun, everything is interesting and everyone is amazing. There will be countless people to meet, endless parties to attend and so many restaurants to try. Enjoy it all, party hard and have fun in the city! Go to all the parties, go on that third date of the day and have brunch with friends on the weekend. After all, this is New York!

However, always remember why you came here. Did you come to New York just to party and make new friends? Surely not. You came here to study a skill, succeed in the workforce or build your own brand. So while you should enjoy the city and have fun, don’t forget to work hard, study your ass off and make the most of what the city has to offer. Go to all the museums, art galleries and exhibitions. Network hard and put yourself out there. Do an internship while you’re in school, or 3 or 4, even if none of them pay you.

There is a reason why people call New York the city that never sleeps. This is a place full of parties, beautiful people and temptation. Don’t let these things distract you too much. If I could turn back time and re-do my 5 years in New York, I would party less, date less (mmmmm maybe not), start building my brand earlier and waste less time. Being in New York is a rare opportunity for most people. Don’t waste that precious opportunity.

Ahh, Yes. What About Dating in NYC?

In addition to the 5 lessons I learned from 5 years of living in New York City, I decided to add a bonus lesson because you simply can’t talk about New York without talking about dating in NYC. I’ve had a variety of dating experiences in the city and it’s been quite different to my experiences in other cities.

Dating Apps Are Your Best Friend

First, make good use of dating apps. Whilst it may be easy to meet people on the subway, on the streets or in a club, it’s often not the kind of person you want to date longterm. So most of us resort to meeting people online. Every woman or man I’ve met swears by a different app so try a few and see which one gives you the best results.

What’s The Rush?

Second, dating is very fast-paced in New York City. Like I mentioned from Lesson 1 – everyone is in a hurry and nobody has patience. Unfortunately, this also applies to dating. The idea of taking things slow is foreign to most people here so be aware!

Commitment? What’s That? Can I Eat That?

Third, people don’t like to commit. And that’s okay. I was happily single for a while before meeting Mr D. Even when I met him, I wasn’t ready to commit. Many people in NYC are not in the state of mind to settle down, stay at home with your dog and watch Netflix. It’s understandable though, given most people here are young, hungry, having so much fun and have so many options. Just keep that in mind and don’t expect to meet your soul mate after the first, second or even tenth encounter.

Respect Yourself And Others Will Respect You

Lastly, but most importantly, respect yourself and others will respect you. In my time in New York, I have seen countless women (and men, actually!) have their heart broken, be ghosted and be used. Trust me when I say there are lots of douche bags out there. So you must hold yourself to high standards, or others will use you, walk all over you, disrespect you then leave you. If you are looking for a serious relationship but the guy just wants to booty call you at 2am on a Saturday night after he comes home from the club empty-handed, drop his shitty ass. If you’re okay with booty calls, then all the more power to you. As long as you do it with self love and self respect.

I think I may need to write a separate post entirely for this topic because I could go on and on! If you’re interested in knowing more, leave a comment below and let me know!

So those were the 5 lessons I learned from 5 years of living in New York City. I hope these lessons were helpful for you or was at least an interesting read. Do you live in NYC? What are some lesson you’ve learnt? I’d love to know your thoughts!

| Photography by Austin Donohue |

Special thank you to Shii-Ann Huang, my amazing real estate agent who helped me find a home when I first moved to New York. She sold this gorgeous midtown apartment a few months back and let us use this space for photos. For more of her listings check out her page.

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